Sleepy But Not Sleepy

Today was rather productive & I should be quite sleepy (which I am) but I am also wired. I am having one of those weird semi-symptomatic days where everything aches but I cannot pinpoint the exact cause. Still, I spent three and a half hours cleaning my horrible bathroom until I broke the sonic scrubber trying to clean the grout in the shower but by then I felt like my kneecaps were all swelled up & arthritic & angry & I should not feel this crap-a-riffic at thirty-eight but there you have it. I did have tea instead of coffee this morning and my headaches were less severe.

I have rearranged a series of poems again and it feels right but maybe tomorrow it will feel all wrong. I feel like I should write cool articles about female cyborgs on here but I am too distracted. Maybe later. I always see these crazy news stories about lifelike gynoids on sale in Japan for like, ten thousand dollars & I think This is what I am trying to pick apart in these poems. I could also swear I saw a news headline that read "Fertility Clinic to Raffle Off Fetus" but now I am wondering if I dreamt it. I should write less on this blog and more in a variety other spaces but I have been in a journaling mood. Today M & I were sitting on the couch watching television (yes, we're thrilling) and he said You always watch the most fucked-up things, like people eating each other and I suppose this is true so I didn't tell him I was thinking that I might like to write a story about cannibals.

I am almost finished with Natsuo Kirino's Real World & think she has a fascinating way of speaking in adolescent voices that feel authentic although it is set in Japan so they don't sound quite like the teenagers I am used to but that is what keeps me reading. I am not bored with this book & that's all I ask these days. I am also reading Kathleen Rooney's Oneiromance and I think the concept is so fantastic & the poems even more so but also think I am not astute enough to say more because I am just blown sideways & over the ledge & I hang there reading & re-reading. I have a special fascination with both dreams & divination so I am quite enthralled.

Speaking of divination I did a tarot reading for myself early this morning and the wands were everywhere--ace, four, queen, ten. I must be careful not to pick up too many burdens I suppose. Yeah. Okay. Sometimes that's unavoidable you hear me Universe? Still I am happy to see all that passion & creative energy in the spread. The final card was a reversal of the two of pentacles which reminds me that I must not be so serious about everything.

Saturday is the vernal equinox & I understand it might snow.