Saturday, February 11, 2012

Open Letter to the Universe:

Dear Universe,

When will I get my shit together?



Monday, December 12, 2011


1. I finally started xmas shopping today. Yes, today. Good thing my list is short and my bank account, sadly lacking. One day, one store. That oughta cover it.

2. Somebody just totally spammed my cell phone and sent me a text asking if I needed $ as I was writing #1. Creepy.

3. Every time I get two days off in a row, I develop a vicious head cold. I'm pretty sure a family of icky green blobs has moved into my sinuses and are watching reruns of NCIS like, right now.

4. I would (very much) like it if NyQuil would develop a carbonated beverage. Rather like Mountain Dew, but with more kick.

5. Many people (but not all people) are sucky. This gives me the blues and makes me want to join a nice quiet nunnery, where everyone has taken a vow of silence and we make homemade champagne and raspberry jam while wearing full habits but with bare feet because we're secretly dirty hippie nuns.

6. I would like to abandon all things. That's right ALL THINGS. I am tired of you. Let's hear it for the glory of NO THINGS.

7. I secretly want to make a tuna noodle casserole with peas and eat the whole thing with Pillsbury crescent rolls and a big fat glass of Chardonnay. Because I am a classy gourmet and shit.

Monday, November 21, 2011


This stunning cover art was created by Renee Alberts and will (soon, very soon) lend an extraordinary bit of beauty to my new chapbook, A Wicked Apple, forthcoming from the super-awesome-and-fabulous Hyacinth Girl Press.

This makes me happy.

In other news: it's vacation week! I'm getting paid to stay home! I feel just like Tyler Durden.

I won't be making soap from stolen body fat or anything, but whatever. There will be much cooking, cleaning, and errand running, because I'm fabulous like that and my life is so incredibly glamorous.

I do plan to catch up on my netflix queue of horror...

I thought this one was actually really creepy. I was expecting it to suck. It didn't.

I do, however, wish they had thought to include subtitles for the conversations in Polish. What's up, moviemakers?

Oh! P.S. I'm attempting to play with Twitter again. I have no idea why. Nevertheless, you might follow me. Linkage, (scroll wayyyyy down) stage right ----->

Thursday, November 17, 2011

I do bad things.

Tonight I am reading poems about taxidermy, poison, and feral children. Unless I change my mind and decide to read poems about wicked robots. That could happen.

Also: I just heated up some leftover gravy and poured it over texas toast. I'm sure that wasn't particularly good for the cardiovascular system and whatnot. I don't care.

Monday, November 14, 2011

Time to face the strange...

I am not dead.

I just haven't felt a strong compulsion to talk to myself. Or write weird shit.

This has been my cozy little internet home for almost 5 years. Sometimes I think I should move to tumblr or wordpress, just to prove I can be stylish, but then I get lazy and complacent.

I have been working and sleeping when not mired in all things semi-domestic, such as making delicious sandwiches with tangy cheese. I feel the need to reinvent myself, although this will not involve wearing a pantsuit made of beef jerky and a beehive hairdo.

Prepare for reentry.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

We Interrupt this Nervous Breakdown to Bring You a Blog Post

I just don't want to do anything these days. No chi.

I suspect there is some kind of weird energy simmering beneath the ennui.

I dreamt there was a jungle at the center of my workplace and it was populated with killer gorillas. There were men with bowie knives weaving in and out between the hardware aisles and the dense foliage. It was creepy. I wanted to join them, but had no weapons. I'm sure the dream translates like this:

I am lame and lacking in various kinds of physical and mental prowess.


Re-Watching: Buffy, as the image of the female warrior inspires me during these periods of total incompetence. I'm skipping ahead to the final showdown. I think I need to Re-Watch Battlestar Galactica, too. Starbuck is so badass.

Reading: Sappho's Leap by Erica Jong. I can't decide whether I like it or not.

Baking: Chocolate Cream Pie. It's pretty.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Oh, hello there.

Oh! I had an interview up at PANK this week: check it.

Also: I have a blemish on my chin the size of a small planet. I have decided to name it Goneril after one of King Lear's more unpleasant daughters. I have come to believe this disfigurement will be permanent.

Life grows more complex and exhausting by the minute. I feel depleted. I might feel less depleted if I had some sugar cookies and like, a whole week to myself.


Go on. Take everything. I want you to.

That's about it.