Monday, March 15, 2010

My Dreams are Lovecraftian Horrors and Other Nonsensical Things

I am in a shin-kicking mood today. Don't ask me why.

My dreams have returned; this time, they have tentacles.



I have dreamt Lovecraftian horrors before, but not often. Last night someone (me?) conjured a large firepit in the backyard that seemed endlessly deep, although one would never know its depths without leaping into the fire. It was surrounded by a ring of thorny hedge, spotted with reddish berries. The thorns appeared very large & very sharp. There were people clustered around the pit, toasting marshmallows for s'mores. (How this hellmouth did not appear sinister to them, I shall never understand.) They might have also been cooking hot dogs on sticks. I feel like I remember this, but I don't really remember this...

For some reason, I knew that a drop of virgin's blood would summon an enormous, terrifying mass of pulpy flesh and tentacles. Something monstrous. I remember worrying about the exact coordinates of the pit. Were they correct? What if the pit was in the wrong place? What might we awaken? I do recall some feelings of ambivalence. That whole "What have I done?" sensation... This is why I am certain that I conjured this pit in my dream, although the Me in my dream is often simultaneously Not Me. There is always the sense I am watching the tableau from somewhere slightly outside the frame. There were two young women--maybe 16 or 17 years old. I thought I recognized them as younger versions of women I knew in high school. They were not women I knew very well, but somehow, I recognized that if one of them were to prick her finger on the hedges, it could be apolcalyptic. They had dark hair & white dresses & appeared very much like symbolic virgin sacrifices. Someone bled. There was a violent flash of fear & bright light & utter darkness mixed with images of the monster. I woke up.

***

I am especially interested in the significance of the virgin(s) in the dream. According to my DD: "In a woman's dream, it represents her own unknown, often disowned, feminine side...also a warning about an action that cannot be undone. The action of the virgin in the dream points to unknown characteristics & behaviors in the dreamer."

Juxtapose this with the monster: "Your animal nature is becoming too strong, too frightening, meaning that you are afraid of your own strengths & drives. Mythical creatures...point to moral conflicts."

And, of course, the fire: "Yearning for inner fire & passion...Either it is destroying something or it is giving a signal..."

Holes in the ground seem clearly yonic (suggesting both death & rebirth) to me, although the monster felt distinctly masculine. Again, the DD states: "A deep hole also symbolizes loss, insecurity, and fear of the future. The hole might also represent a blind spot, that area within us we cannot see."

***

I think dreams fascinate me because I enjoy hunting for and analyzing symbols. I like literature for the same reason, & think the two feel connected in some way. This is also why I read & study the tarot. Symbolism is intriguing. I love the mythical, the archetypal. I have often said if I could afford endless amounts of schooling I should like to become a Jungian analyst. Alas, I cannot afford endless schooling.

I think I read the dream like this: I am always questioning my own actions, for fear that something I do will inadvertently cause someone harm. I fear creating problems that cannot be solved and engaging in actions that cannot be undone. On the one hand, I might be striving for personal power & strength while on the other, holding back for fear that if I embrace this version of myself, I will destroy some other aspect. There is a strong conflict in this dream between the anima & animus, too. Interesting. OH! And the entry in the DD under "monster" suggests seeking therapy if accompanied by extreme fear. Heh.

You know how some people have book discussion groups? I wish there were such a thing as dream discussion groups, but wonder if that would require some kind of shared consciousness, as a dream group would be analogous to a book group where everyone is reading a different book. Of course, that could be interesting too.

5 comments:

Kathleen said...

I love your idea of dream discussion group! You could have one, or sometimes use this blog for one!

Your dream and your interpretation of it help tell you what's on your mind, right? I'm interested in how you felt fear/horror and also noticed how others were untroubled, toasting marshmallows, etc. Does that mean there is nothing to fear? Or that you are more aware of some of the horrific potential in this or any scene?

Are you also the virgins in some way?

Susan said...

Sometimes, I use this blog to help me analyze my dreams...and as a very elaborate way to talk to myself while leaving space for other people to join the conversation :) I am so enraptured by dream analysis.

That's a great insight--the other people in the dream seeming untroubled by the situation--I often feel as though I am the only person who sees what's really going on, who is aware of all the dangers that surround us, but then I question my own perceptions, wonder if I am too sensitive to things, or if I insert meaning where none exists. Many people tell me I read too much into things, but I don't know any other way to perceive the world. I see what I see.

I think the virgins are some aspect of the self that I'm afraid of putting in jeopardy...my fading anima, perhaps. Another possibility is that they represent a kind of lost youth, being the archetypal maiden in the maiden/mother/crone trichotomy. I often feel as if I am lingering in the space between mother and crone.

CoffeeLovinMom said...

I would take part in your dream analysis group if I remembered my dreams. Where did you find the picture? It reminds me of something John draws.

Susan said...

Funny, Mike & Zach say they don't remember their dreams either. (Actually Mike claims he "doesn't dream" but this is nonsense.)

I think I've always made it a point to remember my dreams. I keep a dream journal on the night table next to the bed, so I can write them down when I wake up. I even took a writing workshop in college that required us to record our dreams for several weeks & use the material for short fiction. We read a book called Writers Dreaming by Naomi Epel, which was quite compelling, as so many writers find inspiration in their dreams! Neat stuff.

I think a writing/dreaming group would be fun, too. Of course, I don't even think I could find a handful of people who would be remotely interested.

Even "book clubs" around here are more or less an excuse to drink & gossip. *Sigh* Why doesn't anybody read??? A few years ago, I had a neighbor talk me out of joining a book discussion group in the area because she said, "Everyone will hate you, because you'll want to talk about the book. Nobody *really* reads or discusses the book." It still makes me sad, even today :(

Amy, I need to go check out John's website again. I love that creepy, sci fi kind of stuff.

Caprino Nero said...

I really,really need to find out who's the artist for that gorgeously monstruous illustration you used..please let me know whose art that is,a blog,a book...something...thnxs...