I am in a shin-kicking mood today. Don't ask me why.
My dreams have returned; this time, they have tentacles.
I have dreamt Lovecraftian horrors before, but not often. Last night someone (me?) conjured a large firepit in the backyard that seemed endlessly deep, although one would never know its depths without leaping into the fire. It was surrounded by a ring of thorny hedge, spotted with reddish berries. The thorns appeared very large & very sharp. There were people clustered around the pit, toasting marshmallows for s'mores. (How this hellmouth did not appear sinister to them, I shall never understand.) They might have also been cooking hot dogs on sticks. I feel like I remember this, but I don't really remember this...
For some reason, I knew that a drop of virgin's blood would summon an enormous, terrifying mass of pulpy flesh and tentacles. Something monstrous. I remember worrying about the exact coordinates of the pit. Were they correct? What if the pit was in the wrong place? What might we awaken? I do recall some feelings of ambivalence. That whole "What have I done?" sensation... This is why I am certain that I conjured this pit in my dream, although the Me in my dream is often simultaneously Not Me. There is always the sense I am watching the tableau from somewhere slightly outside the frame. There were two young women--maybe 16 or 17 years old. I thought I recognized them as younger versions of women I knew in high school. They were not women I knew very well, but somehow, I recognized that if one of them were to prick her finger on the hedges, it could be apolcalyptic. They had dark hair & white dresses & appeared very much like symbolic virgin sacrifices. Someone bled. There was a violent flash of fear & bright light & utter darkness mixed with images of the monster. I woke up.
I am especially interested in the significance of the virgin(s) in the dream. According to my DD: "In a woman's dream, it represents her own unknown, often disowned, feminine side...also a warning about an action that cannot be undone. The action of the virgin in the dream points to unknown characteristics & behaviors in the dreamer."
Juxtapose this with the monster: "Your animal nature is becoming too strong, too frightening, meaning that you are afraid of your own strengths & drives. Mythical creatures...point to moral conflicts."
And, of course, the fire: "Yearning for inner fire & passion...Either it is destroying something or it is giving a signal..."
Holes in the ground seem clearly yonic (suggesting both death & rebirth) to me, although the monster felt distinctly masculine. Again, the DD states: "A deep hole also symbolizes loss, insecurity, and fear of the future. The hole might also represent a blind spot, that area within us we cannot see."
I think dreams fascinate me because I enjoy hunting for and analyzing symbols. I like literature for the same reason, & think the two feel connected in some way. This is also why I read & study the tarot. Symbolism is intriguing. I love the mythical, the archetypal. I have often said if I could afford endless amounts of schooling I should like to become a Jungian analyst. Alas, I cannot afford endless schooling.
I think I read the dream like this: I am always questioning my own actions, for fear that something I do will inadvertently cause someone harm. I fear creating problems that cannot be solved and engaging in actions that cannot be undone. On the one hand, I might be striving for personal power & strength while on the other, holding back for fear that if I embrace this version of myself, I will destroy some other aspect. There is a strong conflict in this dream between the anima & animus, too. Interesting. OH! And the entry in the DD under "monster" suggests seeking therapy if accompanied by extreme fear. Heh.
You know how some people have book discussion groups? I wish there were such a thing as dream discussion groups, but wonder if that would require some kind of shared consciousness, as a dream group would be analogous to a book group where everyone is reading a different book. Of course, that could be interesting too.
Me, mid-July 2018
1 day ago