Monday: my sinuses burn and my legs are nearly unrecognizable as my own like clusters of Ugli fruit. Yesterday I watched Divergent and it was difficult to see all that running and jumping and kicking; it made me cringe. The reality is that no one wants to hear about the body, about its malfunction. In the movies people get shot or jump from trains or get beaten half to death and leap back up and fight wars and save children and old women from bad men with flak jackets and guns and in real life sometimes you get sick and cannot even put on a pair of socks without it being fucking agony which naturally makes you feel inadequate and the rest of the world agrees. The Moral of the Story: Respite is for Failures. Everyone wants to hear that you are fine that you are well whether or not such a thing is true is irrelevant.
Today I will call about my emergency room bill (wait time may exceed 10 minutes!) to clarify nebulous promises of 50% off for prompt payment but it does not say if the listed balance has been discounted already or if it will be doubled. I hate the soul sucking phone but hey.
This holiday season is almost over and I pretty much opted out although there is a tree of course. My son put it up and it is really very pretty I suppose. I do not understand the people with multiple trees, trees in every room, the flickering santas and snowmen and the knick-knacks and such: it is so much work the putting up and the taking down and the storage of so much stuff that is only used maybe one month out of a year.
I am blue today gunmetal blue/ bruise blue/ blue willow china blue. Please send pie.
Me, mid-July 2018
1 day ago