Thursday, December 18, 2014

Insomnia Post #17

Today I forced myself to socialize and the initial panic attack lasted maybe 40 minutes and then I was pretty much okay and glad I made myself go out and talk to people it's rather like going to the dentist--you feel so much better after you do and wonder why you avoid it forEVER.  My Cookie Exchange Cookies were chewier than I would have liked but I am not on my culinary game right now and I should have cut the oven time down by about 10 minutes, I think.  I worried today about the cookies being imperfect and my weird bloated face (Prednisone- inflamed jaw- puffiness) and I am sure I embarrassed myself somehow. Uck. Everyone was very kind and friendly I am just weird and anxious in these situations and I don't know why.  I drank too much wine and talked too much about my boring stupid swollen joints because people asked me about them and came home and ate an inappropriate wad of leftover spaghetti about the size of my fist which was totally gross and now I am nauseated.  Iced my knee and watched The World's End which was actually sort of boring and Simon Pegg was really unlikeable and so was Watson from Sherlock and Nick Frost so I scrolled through my phone throughout the movie like a Millennial with no attention span.  The world continues to spin in my absence and people at work come and go and I will probably not recognize the place a month from now.  I feel peripheral. 

I wonder if my social skills are deteriorating. I used to be cool, really.


Kathleen said...

My social skills are deteriorating, too. I've always been shy and an introvert but my younger self made more of an effort to be social, I guess. But I was never cool. If I was ever to write a memoir, it might have a title like I Was Never Cool.

Susan said...

Hi Kathleen! There is more pressure to be social early on, isn't there? I think I get more selective about where and how I spend my limited social energy in my middle years.