10. Do I know you? Who are all of you??
9. When people end ALL THEIR STATUS UPDATES with hugs & kisses xoxoxo and other such insincere gushery. *gags*
8. The endless ads I get for lawyers and KY Jelly.
7. The removal of broken hearts for failed relationships.
6. What Flavor Doughnut Are You? I'm glazed motherfuckers. Don't try to tell me I'm Boston Creme.
5. People who are totally okay in the real world want to sell me wrinkle creams and diet shakes in the fake flat electronic universe. Did you upload your consciousness into the botnet? And why are you selling this sexist crap instead of something cool, like handmade Cthulhu potholders? Please, please stop.
4. DUCKFACE. WHY ARE YOU STILL TAKING DUCKFACE SELFIES?
3. A request: Less politics, more puppies.
2. People who check in at work every day. Or the fucking gym. The only thing more boring than being on a treadmill is having you tell me that you are on a treadmill, for like, 16 posts in a row.
1. Hospital Selfies, complete with pained grimace and gratuitous shot of the IV in your arm. By all means make vague references to terminal illness and follow that up with a shot of you holding a martini tomorrow.