Reasons Why I Will Probably Never Be Elected President of the Local Homeowners' Association
1.) Association meetings would consist of David Lynch films, whiskey, & cupcakes.
2.) I would preside over these meetings wearing a crown & carrying a scepter.
3.) All grievances would be valid only when submitted as limericks, villanelles or sestinas which must be performed at the monthly open mic event. Performers are required to appear in costume.
4.) All lengthy, ongoing disputes would be resolved in the Beer Pong Arena.