*VENT*

Sometimes I get really mad about my malfunctioning stomach though.  I tried to eat some "regular" food (2 chicken strips) this weekend and made myself super-sick and miserable, so it's back to soup and tea and whatnot.  I know I am lucky I can still take nutrition by mouth.  I'm lucky I've avoided needing a feeding tube for gastroparesis.  But.......it still pisses me off.  I LOVE food.  I want coffee.  I want cocktails.  I want to eat steak and fried chicken and bacon cheeseburgers.  But, WHATEVER. Anyway, I am online window shopping for fancy loose-leaf teas, which is something I can still tolerate.

*end tantrum*

I have my second Benlysta infusion today.  The first one went just fine.  No reaction, other than being extremely exhausted afterwards.  I started the Reclast infusions as well.  So far, no issues.

Still working a couple of super-early 4 a.m shift mornings every week, which makes me want to die.

I am hopeful for better days.

***

Writing: I am revising a few poems, having met with my writing/poetry group about a week ago.  I am thinking about going back to some essay and short fiction writing as well.  I miss it.

Cooking: August is drawing to a close!  You know what this means, right?  It's SOUP SEASON, motherfuckers.  Tortilla soup.  Sweet potato soup with leeks.  Vegetable orzo soup with lemon.  Creamy tomato soup with basil and garlic toast.  Take that, broken stomach!

Watching:  All the Nicolas Cage movies. Don't judge me too harshly, as watching my man Nic over-act is the best stress relief ever. Is he missing a tooth in Moonstruck? Also: that wooden hand, heh.

I am still re-watching Game of Thrones.  And searching Netflix for movies that might have dragons in them, because DRAGONS, amiright?

Reading:  I am in the mood to revisit old favorites.  I am re-reading Alias Grace by Margaret Atwood.  I might also re-read The Mists of Avalon, which is my favorite book, ever.

August is almost over and it smells like fall and rain already.

I am moving through life as quietly as possible, under trying circumstances.  Both of my parents have dementia and are now in a Memory Care Facility, which has been very, very stressful. I am trying to make peace with all that comes along with such things.  It's not easy.

It throws the whole family dynamic into such an uproar.  Feels chaotic and sad and overwhelming, to say the least.  It makes the future seem incredibly bleak.

***

I had my first loading dose of Benlysta this week, as well as my first Reclast infusion.  This went well, with no major side effects other than drop-dead exhaustion lasting about two days.  I do have some monster joint pain happening, with my leg flaring up, as well as intense shoulder pain and a stiff achy jaw that makes trying to chew rather unpleasant.  I don't think this is related to the infusion.  Probably just Rheumatic-Disease-Business-As-Usual.   I am hopeful this will be the right treatment for me, but it will take several months to see if this is going to work.  I dream of getting off Prednisone!  Time will tell.

Gastroparesis symptoms are flaring up again, unfortunately.  Had a cup of ginger tea for breakfast and
I plan on getting my juicer going today.  I think I need a couple of days back on the liquid diet to get my guts to calm the fuck down.  I love food, but it doesn't love me back. Alas.

I am still learning how to live in a body that doesn't work quite right.

***

I am re-watching Game of Thrones from the beginning because I find comfort in the familiarity of revisiting my favorite shows.

***

With the recent turn in the weather I feel like cooking, but my stomach is being a jerk.  I think this calls for soup.